Happy Merry India
I’m somewhat of an Indian food snob. I’ve traveled to Malaysia many times. Malaysia is a melting pot of cultures and has many Indians. Not we-gave-you-blankets-with-small-pox Indians, but well…you know..Eastern Indians. Anyways, Malaysia has amazing Indian food. So I was spoiled.
Every week or so, I’ll try a local Indian place in some hopeless-romantic notion that perhaps I’ll find Indian food on par with Malaysian-Indian food. Which is like saying I’m going to go find God in hell, but alas I try.
Over the holidays, I happened upon a great Indian place. It was nowhere near Malaysian-Indian great, but I downed the food, burnt my taste buds off my tongue, and got gas pains, so I was a happy camper.
On the way out the door, the owner of the join - who was clearly Indian - says to me, “Merry Christmas.”
I quickly surveyed the situation. This guy? Definitely from India. Chances of him being Christian? .03%.
Shit. How the fuck am I supposed to reply to this?
On one hand I’m thinking like Bill O’Reilly…You’re in my country mother fucker, so “merry christmas.”
On the other I’m thinking I’m not a Fox news broadcaster getting paid to play to a red-state audience. And, I like to fancy myself somewhat of a nice thoughtful man, but even if I did know what Indians celebrate in winter - which I don’t - I sure as fuck don’t know the appropriate greeting.
Of course, all of this happened in the series of 4 milliseconds. I know because I counted.
So, I did what any left-wing Californian would do, I ignored him, said nothing and left.
And, I’ve been feeling bad ever since. Now, I’ve only got 11 months to figure out how to respond in case this happens again next Christmas.
